the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
