so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
