I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
