I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
