Porn is love you can see.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
