Writing my paper on freud at bar
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Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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