margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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