Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
