And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
