I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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