We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
