I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
