Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
