If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
