he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
