Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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