apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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