he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
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Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
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You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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