she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just googled if crying burns calories
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
