butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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