so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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