Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
