I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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