I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
