I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Randomize
