Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
