She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
