Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
one two three fourrrrnication!
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
