if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
