do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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