my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
