Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
