The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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