So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
