woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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