New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
