If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
