Everything about him screamed your future.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
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Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
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I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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