i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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