haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
