dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
