Got a toothbrush?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
