Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
