Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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