Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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