after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
