I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
