Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.