i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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