Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
