States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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