if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
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He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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