Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
