yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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