did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
