I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
