Buhtt sex?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
