He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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