I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
birth control should be required to get into college
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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