You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
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obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
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I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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