I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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