Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
