I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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